I admit

Ok, so I have been really REALLY lazy with the posting. I have so much to catch up on! I promise I will.. I promise!! So many things have been happening, and well, life gets in the way of life!

Conversations With Kodie

Me: Ugh, I'm behind on blogging again, Kodie!!!

Kodie: That's ok Mommy, we're having fun!

Me: Yes, we are! But now you're snoring :o !!!! How's that fun?!!!!

Kodie: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz snore

Love me Tender

Yes, this is being posted in August.. Because I'm lazy at writing, and busy with living!

So Texas wrapped up on one cool sunny morning, with the rising sun in my face as I left Dallas before the traffic even began to get bad... which means, it took me an hour to get into/around/out of the city. Tunes blasting, car loaded to the gills, Soulfire, Kodie, and I took off, ready to head back East.
Having just gotten the final notice for my next contract only two days earlier, my heart finally started to beat at a regular pace again. I'm off to Annapolis, MD. Back home(ish)

Now I needed this time away, and I learned a lot about who I am and what I am made of, and found that it's pretty good stuff. You can't move forward without making sure you are together. Well, I took my first few steps forward. And I'm pretty proud of how stable I realized I really am.

So Annapolis. I love this town! Going to Anne Arundel Medical Center, a place I've only been to once before, for my vicarious daughter's birth. I was very pleased with the staff and facility when I visited so why not?! Need to be in the area anyway for a few dates coming up anyway, may as well be close to home, but not quite back home again.

Dreading the car ride home I decided on a whim to make sure I do what I first set out to do on the way down here. Memphis here we come!! I'm going to Graceland! I'm not really an Elvis fan but I have to stop at this iconic location just because! And wow, I was pretty impressed!

The living room

The Jungle Room

Me just spending the day at Graceland!!

OOOOOH the Original!!

So it was actually pretty fun. And my lord the amount of people there was astounding! No, unfortunately I didn't get a picture of Kodie with glasses and sideburns, but I had a good day none the less. Whew, kept a promise I made to myself! Now to just get home without falling asleep. 18 hours to go..
And believe it or not, I actually drove for those 18 hours straight to my good friend's birthday party dinner for a nice surprise! Wow I can't believe I actually was awake that long...

Hope

Hope is a word I use daily. But for some reason I never really learned the meaning until now. Sure I know the definition of the word, but do I actually know its meaning? It's a feeling, a powerful one. One that restores us.

In my line of work there are many hopes. Delivering babies is not as easy as it sounds. It's amazing to me just how often it goes right!

But then there are days, special situations, people, problems, fear... And I find myself saying "God, I hope she lives." that's when I really learn the meaning, the feeling, the power of hope.

It's days like this that my faith is restored in my choice to become a nurse. Days like this that I find so rewarding as a person to walk back into a room and see a smile from someone I, not to long before, was holding a hand praying, hoping, for life.

I am so blessed to do what I do. I will never give that up. Thank you for restoring my faith in hope.

The Things That Are Tough In This World

As I am flying home for a brief visit to pick up Soulfire, I am sitting here thinking of my life and where it is now. And where it was.
Leaving was the hardest thing in my life to do. I thought so at the time. I ached with the decision. Constantly questioning myself if I did the right thing. I look back now and a piece of me can not help but say what if? I realize that this is human nature and I can not go backwards and nor would I. I made the right decision.
Having to call the police to my own home was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The unbelievable utter shock and grief that overtook me is like none other I have ever experienced. The look on my cherished Guinness's puppy face will haunt me. I look back at that day and can't help but wonder if there was something I could have done. If I did something wrong. Guilt will always follow me. Not because of the act. But because of the cause. I know that this is only human nature. To think what could I have done? Even though it hurts so much, I take the happiness with me as I step forward into the sunlight. I can not go backwards. It is what it is. There is no changing.
Leaving home was the hardest thing I have ever done. The tears in my fathers eyes as I drove away were matched in my own. I have no regrets. This is the first time in my life I am on my own. Truly. I may stumble. I may fall. But I will get back up and keep walking.
Having to make the decision to get rid of something that makes me so deliriously happy has been the toughest thing in this world. How can I possibly go on without something I love. Despair flooded over me. And at my lowest, Rock bottom of my life, a hand reached out and picked me up. How can I pass up an opportunity like this?
I can never regret where I have been. Can only choose where I am going. My memories will always stay with me. I will cherish those good ones. Tuck away those bad ones. And find laughter in my life again.
I am slowly picking my soul up and glueing myself back together. I am starting to feel again. Starting to breathe the sweet air. I walked down a bend in the road and found that I am not alone. That there are many along side me. And my heart beats again. Warmth spreading to the cold depths of my aching soul. Filling me up again.
I stand taller. Walk with a more determined step. I am in the absence of fear.

Dallas Finest

Well as I type this it is literally 2:51am on a brisk Saturday morning. There are 6 fire trucks at my hotel and smoke billowing out of the third floor.
I have no idea what happened but this was NOT the way I wanted to wake up when I was FINALLY sleeping!!

WOW the Rodeo!

So Friday I traveled to Fort Worth, an easy hour drive, to go see the Stock Show and Rodeo. Let me first say I was really nervous to go, since I was sure I would stick out like a sore thumb. The stereotype in my head was of everyone wearing cowboy hats and boots. But I didn't stick out! I wasn't the only one there in non boots n hat. I am glad that part of my preconceived notions had dissipated with my sojourn to this event.

But I was surprised by the items for sale hee hee. I didn't know about the BLING! I have never seen so much rhinestone studded items in my life! I resisted from buying them up, barely (HAH joking)

 I also had to resist buying a "red solo cup" Apparently this the THE thing to have down here. Enough so that my friend made her entire family Red Solo Cups for their Christmas presents! I guess I will have to get one. Had to look up the meaning tho.. I'm guessing it's from Toby Keith's song, Red Solo Cup

Now, red solo cup is the best receptical
For barbecues, tailgates, fairs and festivals
And you, sir, do not have a pair of testicles
If you prefer drinkin' from glass

Hey, red solo cup is cheap and disposable
And in fourteen years, they are decomposable
And unlike my home, they are not foreclosable
Freddy Mac can kiss my ass, whoo

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
I love you, red solo cup, I lift you up
Proceed to party, proceed to party

Now, I really love how you're easy to stack
But I really hate how you're easy to crack
'Cause when beer runs down in front of my pack
Well, that, my friends, is quite yucky

But I have to admit that the ladies get smitten
Admirin' how sharply my first name is written
On you with a Sharpie when I get to hittin'
When I get to hittin' on them to help me get lucky

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
I love you, red solo cup, I lift you up
Proceed to party, proceed to party

Now, I've seen you in blue and I've seen you in yellow
But only you, red, will do for this fellow
'Cause you are the Abbot to my Costello
And you are the fruit to my loom

Red solo cup, you're more than just plastic
You're more than amazing, you're more than fantastic
And believe me that I am not the least bit sarcastic
When I look at you and say

Red solo cup, you're not just a cup
(No, no, no, God, no)
You're my, you're my
(Friend?)
Friend
(Friend, friend, friend, life long)
Thank you for being my friend

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
I love you, red solo cup, I lift you up
Proceed to party, proceed to party

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
Red solo cup, let's have a party
Proceed to party

 Then there was the awesome Wine Glasses! I swear I need to get me a set of these!

And yes, I had to get the picture.. And what a hottie bullrider I make! HAD to do the pink chaps and hat of course! I couldn't stop laughing for about an hour after this picture was taken. But hey! When am I ever going to get on the back of a big plastic bull again in Pink Chaps and a Pink Cowboy hat! NEVER!! Have my picture up on my fridge. A momentous occasion!


And then it was time for the RODEO!!! I had a great seat.. But I think most seats there were good. Got out the SLR and started shooting. I filled up 2 10GB cards! OMG!! Amounted to about 3000 pictures! And well.. this is what I got. All of 15 decent ones. (there were a lot more, but all of the same things)

My first impression... STINKY. Sorry people, but I am NOT fond of manure! And an overwhelming smell of it too. WOW.

 The show started off with bareback bucking horses. So cool! No one got thrown off a horse. But it was sure fun to watch. I think I was cheering as loud as anyone else. What a way to get your heart pumping!!!

 Then the next even was something about two guys trying to rope a cow and one of them jumping off and wrestling it to the ground. Time was the factor here. Some cows escaped, some stopped running, some couldn't be roped. But the ones that were, I was hoping that none of them got hurt! But I guess  these are things that are done daily on ranches? IDK.But it sure was cool and exciting to watch them wrestle these cattle to the ground!

Then the next was two guys lassoing from either end of the cow.. OUCH! They ran and got lassoed and tugged and then tripped! OMG I was nervous for the poor cattle. The gentleman who I was sitting next to reminded me that these are things they do every day.. Ok.. I am such a city girl!

Then saddled bucking horse! See what this one did!!! So exciting! Got the whole place WOOOPING and cheering! It's a good thing the poor guy didn't smack his head on the railing!

 So much to watch! There was a great trick riding show, but that was too fast and too dark to catch without proper lighting. And then this, roping and tying up solo. A lot of the cows got away on this event.

AND THEN THERE WAS THE BULL RIDING! EEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK

 Wow were these big beasts! I think only one guy actually was able to stay on the entire 8 seconds. Most got bucked off quickly. Darn these guys are crazy!! This poor one got bucked off and unfortunately had to be carried off on a back board. I was reminded by the announcer that this happens. Thankfully he was talking when they took him out. How he is, I don't know. The nurse in me was heart broken when I saw him land on his head, and not move. Then the Rodeo Clowns took over.. What a scary job! And dangerous too!! One was protecting the poor rider, who was lying right in front of the exit gate, and this one was trying to calm the beast and get him out.. I was on the edge of my seat.

 I never want this job!

Then for the finale the clowns played with Poncho Villa, a bull with one horn up and one down. They taunted him, threw their hats at him, threw a dummy at him, and he loved attacking them! SEE the headless dummy?!

After taunting long enough he started attacking them. There is a man inside that barrel! YIKES!!!

Over all it was a fantastic show and completely worth my money. I totally enjoyed all the antics of the clowns and the excitement of the day. I am so happy that I got to experience this awesome event!