The Things That Are Tough In This World

As I am flying home for a brief visit to pick up Soulfire, I am sitting here thinking of my life and where it is now. And where it was.
Leaving was the hardest thing in my life to do. I thought so at the time. I ached with the decision. Constantly questioning myself if I did the right thing. I look back now and a piece of me can not help but say what if? I realize that this is human nature and I can not go backwards and nor would I. I made the right decision.
Having to call the police to my own home was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The unbelievable utter shock and grief that overtook me is like none other I have ever experienced. The look on my cherished Guinness's puppy face will haunt me. I look back at that day and can't help but wonder if there was something I could have done. If I did something wrong. Guilt will always follow me. Not because of the act. But because of the cause. I know that this is only human nature. To think what could I have done? Even though it hurts so much, I take the happiness with me as I step forward into the sunlight. I can not go backwards. It is what it is. There is no changing.
Leaving home was the hardest thing I have ever done. The tears in my fathers eyes as I drove away were matched in my own. I have no regrets. This is the first time in my life I am on my own. Truly. I may stumble. I may fall. But I will get back up and keep walking.
Having to make the decision to get rid of something that makes me so deliriously happy has been the toughest thing in this world. How can I possibly go on without something I love. Despair flooded over me. And at my lowest, Rock bottom of my life, a hand reached out and picked me up. How can I pass up an opportunity like this?
I can never regret where I have been. Can only choose where I am going. My memories will always stay with me. I will cherish those good ones. Tuck away those bad ones. And find laughter in my life again.
I am slowly picking my soul up and glueing myself back together. I am starting to feel again. Starting to breathe the sweet air. I walked down a bend in the road and found that I am not alone. That there are many along side me. And my heart beats again. Warmth spreading to the cold depths of my aching soul. Filling me up again.
I stand taller. Walk with a more determined step. I am in the absence of fear.

Dallas Finest

Well as I type this it is literally 2:51am on a brisk Saturday morning. There are 6 fire trucks at my hotel and smoke billowing out of the third floor.
I have no idea what happened but this was NOT the way I wanted to wake up when I was FINALLY sleeping!!