I admit

Ok, so I have been really REALLY lazy with the posting. I have so much to catch up on! I promise I will.. I promise!! So many things have been happening, and well, life gets in the way of life!

Conversations With Kodie

Me: Ugh, I'm behind on blogging again, Kodie!!!

Kodie: That's ok Mommy, we're having fun!

Me: Yes, we are! But now you're snoring :o !!!! How's that fun?!!!!

Kodie: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz snore

Love me Tender

Yes, this is being posted in August.. Because I'm lazy at writing, and busy with living!

So Texas wrapped up on one cool sunny morning, with the rising sun in my face as I left Dallas before the traffic even began to get bad... which means, it took me an hour to get into/around/out of the city. Tunes blasting, car loaded to the gills, Soulfire, Kodie, and I took off, ready to head back East.
Having just gotten the final notice for my next contract only two days earlier, my heart finally started to beat at a regular pace again. I'm off to Annapolis, MD. Back home(ish)

Now I needed this time away, and I learned a lot about who I am and what I am made of, and found that it's pretty good stuff. You can't move forward without making sure you are together. Well, I took my first few steps forward. And I'm pretty proud of how stable I realized I really am.

So Annapolis. I love this town! Going to Anne Arundel Medical Center, a place I've only been to once before, for my vicarious daughter's birth. I was very pleased with the staff and facility when I visited so why not?! Need to be in the area anyway for a few dates coming up anyway, may as well be close to home, but not quite back home again.

Dreading the car ride home I decided on a whim to make sure I do what I first set out to do on the way down here. Memphis here we come!! I'm going to Graceland! I'm not really an Elvis fan but I have to stop at this iconic location just because! And wow, I was pretty impressed!

The living room

The Jungle Room

Me just spending the day at Graceland!!

OOOOOH the Original!!

So it was actually pretty fun. And my lord the amount of people there was astounding! No, unfortunately I didn't get a picture of Kodie with glasses and sideburns, but I had a good day none the less. Whew, kept a promise I made to myself! Now to just get home without falling asleep. 18 hours to go..
And believe it or not, I actually drove for those 18 hours straight to my good friend's birthday party dinner for a nice surprise! Wow I can't believe I actually was awake that long...

Hope

Hope is a word I use daily. But for some reason I never really learned the meaning until now. Sure I know the definition of the word, but do I actually know its meaning? It's a feeling, a powerful one. One that restores us.

In my line of work there are many hopes. Delivering babies is not as easy as it sounds. It's amazing to me just how often it goes right!

But then there are days, special situations, people, problems, fear... And I find myself saying "God, I hope she lives." that's when I really learn the meaning, the feeling, the power of hope.

It's days like this that my faith is restored in my choice to become a nurse. Days like this that I find so rewarding as a person to walk back into a room and see a smile from someone I, not to long before, was holding a hand praying, hoping, for life.

I am so blessed to do what I do. I will never give that up. Thank you for restoring my faith in hope.

The Things That Are Tough In This World

As I am flying home for a brief visit to pick up Soulfire, I am sitting here thinking of my life and where it is now. And where it was.
Leaving was the hardest thing in my life to do. I thought so at the time. I ached with the decision. Constantly questioning myself if I did the right thing. I look back now and a piece of me can not help but say what if? I realize that this is human nature and I can not go backwards and nor would I. I made the right decision.
Having to call the police to my own home was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The unbelievable utter shock and grief that overtook me is like none other I have ever experienced. The look on my cherished Guinness's puppy face will haunt me. I look back at that day and can't help but wonder if there was something I could have done. If I did something wrong. Guilt will always follow me. Not because of the act. But because of the cause. I know that this is only human nature. To think what could I have done? Even though it hurts so much, I take the happiness with me as I step forward into the sunlight. I can not go backwards. It is what it is. There is no changing.
Leaving home was the hardest thing I have ever done. The tears in my fathers eyes as I drove away were matched in my own. I have no regrets. This is the first time in my life I am on my own. Truly. I may stumble. I may fall. But I will get back up and keep walking.
Having to make the decision to get rid of something that makes me so deliriously happy has been the toughest thing in this world. How can I possibly go on without something I love. Despair flooded over me. And at my lowest, Rock bottom of my life, a hand reached out and picked me up. How can I pass up an opportunity like this?
I can never regret where I have been. Can only choose where I am going. My memories will always stay with me. I will cherish those good ones. Tuck away those bad ones. And find laughter in my life again.
I am slowly picking my soul up and glueing myself back together. I am starting to feel again. Starting to breathe the sweet air. I walked down a bend in the road and found that I am not alone. That there are many along side me. And my heart beats again. Warmth spreading to the cold depths of my aching soul. Filling me up again.
I stand taller. Walk with a more determined step. I am in the absence of fear.

Dallas Finest

Well as I type this it is literally 2:51am on a brisk Saturday morning. There are 6 fire trucks at my hotel and smoke billowing out of the third floor.
I have no idea what happened but this was NOT the way I wanted to wake up when I was FINALLY sleeping!!

WOW the Rodeo!

So Friday I traveled to Fort Worth, an easy hour drive, to go see the Stock Show and Rodeo. Let me first say I was really nervous to go, since I was sure I would stick out like a sore thumb. The stereotype in my head was of everyone wearing cowboy hats and boots. But I didn't stick out! I wasn't the only one there in non boots n hat. I am glad that part of my preconceived notions had dissipated with my sojourn to this event.

But I was surprised by the items for sale hee hee. I didn't know about the BLING! I have never seen so much rhinestone studded items in my life! I resisted from buying them up, barely (HAH joking)

 I also had to resist buying a "red solo cup" Apparently this the THE thing to have down here. Enough so that my friend made her entire family Red Solo Cups for their Christmas presents! I guess I will have to get one. Had to look up the meaning tho.. I'm guessing it's from Toby Keith's song, Red Solo Cup

Now, red solo cup is the best receptical
For barbecues, tailgates, fairs and festivals
And you, sir, do not have a pair of testicles
If you prefer drinkin' from glass

Hey, red solo cup is cheap and disposable
And in fourteen years, they are decomposable
And unlike my home, they are not foreclosable
Freddy Mac can kiss my ass, whoo

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
I love you, red solo cup, I lift you up
Proceed to party, proceed to party

Now, I really love how you're easy to stack
But I really hate how you're easy to crack
'Cause when beer runs down in front of my pack
Well, that, my friends, is quite yucky

But I have to admit that the ladies get smitten
Admirin' how sharply my first name is written
On you with a Sharpie when I get to hittin'
When I get to hittin' on them to help me get lucky

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
I love you, red solo cup, I lift you up
Proceed to party, proceed to party

Now, I've seen you in blue and I've seen you in yellow
But only you, red, will do for this fellow
'Cause you are the Abbot to my Costello
And you are the fruit to my loom

Red solo cup, you're more than just plastic
You're more than amazing, you're more than fantastic
And believe me that I am not the least bit sarcastic
When I look at you and say

Red solo cup, you're not just a cup
(No, no, no, God, no)
You're my, you're my
(Friend?)
Friend
(Friend, friend, friend, life long)
Thank you for being my friend

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
I love you, red solo cup, I lift you up
Proceed to party, proceed to party

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
Red solo cup, let's have a party
Proceed to party

 Then there was the awesome Wine Glasses! I swear I need to get me a set of these!

And yes, I had to get the picture.. And what a hottie bullrider I make! HAD to do the pink chaps and hat of course! I couldn't stop laughing for about an hour after this picture was taken. But hey! When am I ever going to get on the back of a big plastic bull again in Pink Chaps and a Pink Cowboy hat! NEVER!! Have my picture up on my fridge. A momentous occasion!


And then it was time for the RODEO!!! I had a great seat.. But I think most seats there were good. Got out the SLR and started shooting. I filled up 2 10GB cards! OMG!! Amounted to about 3000 pictures! And well.. this is what I got. All of 15 decent ones. (there were a lot more, but all of the same things)

My first impression... STINKY. Sorry people, but I am NOT fond of manure! And an overwhelming smell of it too. WOW.

 The show started off with bareback bucking horses. So cool! No one got thrown off a horse. But it was sure fun to watch. I think I was cheering as loud as anyone else. What a way to get your heart pumping!!!

 Then the next even was something about two guys trying to rope a cow and one of them jumping off and wrestling it to the ground. Time was the factor here. Some cows escaped, some stopped running, some couldn't be roped. But the ones that were, I was hoping that none of them got hurt! But I guess  these are things that are done daily on ranches? IDK.But it sure was cool and exciting to watch them wrestle these cattle to the ground!

Then the next was two guys lassoing from either end of the cow.. OUCH! They ran and got lassoed and tugged and then tripped! OMG I was nervous for the poor cattle. The gentleman who I was sitting next to reminded me that these are things they do every day.. Ok.. I am such a city girl!

Then saddled bucking horse! See what this one did!!! So exciting! Got the whole place WOOOPING and cheering! It's a good thing the poor guy didn't smack his head on the railing!

 So much to watch! There was a great trick riding show, but that was too fast and too dark to catch without proper lighting. And then this, roping and tying up solo. A lot of the cows got away on this event.

AND THEN THERE WAS THE BULL RIDING! EEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK

 Wow were these big beasts! I think only one guy actually was able to stay on the entire 8 seconds. Most got bucked off quickly. Darn these guys are crazy!! This poor one got bucked off and unfortunately had to be carried off on a back board. I was reminded by the announcer that this happens. Thankfully he was talking when they took him out. How he is, I don't know. The nurse in me was heart broken when I saw him land on his head, and not move. Then the Rodeo Clowns took over.. What a scary job! And dangerous too!! One was protecting the poor rider, who was lying right in front of the exit gate, and this one was trying to calm the beast and get him out.. I was on the edge of my seat.

 I never want this job!

Then for the finale the clowns played with Poncho Villa, a bull with one horn up and one down. They taunted him, threw their hats at him, threw a dummy at him, and he loved attacking them! SEE the headless dummy?!

After taunting long enough he started attacking them. There is a man inside that barrel! YIKES!!!

Over all it was a fantastic show and completely worth my money. I totally enjoyed all the antics of the clowns and the excitement of the day. I am so happy that I got to experience this awesome event!

Conversations With Kodie

Kodie: Mom, is there any place else we can go play? Walk? And go see other pups? I miss Kerry and Sassy!
Me: Kodie! Lets look and see!!!
Kodie: YAY!!!
Me: Shall we go check out the local dog park?!

Too bad we have to have a license to get in there.. Maybe I'll apply for one if we stay..

I'm Going To A Rodeo!!!!

Ok, there's lots to fill in, and I am sure I will getting the chance to fill all my adventures in as I get time. But I saw a comercial today and I'm gonna go!!

There is a rodeo in Fort Worth! I am soooooo there! I think I will go next weekend!!! YEEEEHHAAAAAA!! I am so excited. I'm like a little kid.. hee hee.

I barely remember when I was a kid seeing a rodeo in Wyoming I think... I'm really excited about this new adventure.. And I'm sure it will be a blast!!

Woo Hoo!! Now I just have to wait till Friday!

The DMA

Went to find some art. I have been really missing some art. So I looked up the Dallas Museum of Art (DMA.) Now, coming from Washington, DC I've been very spoiled by the free museums. I totally forgot I had to pay for this one! But that's ok. It's all for a good cause. Art is ALWAYS a good cause.

A very nice museum. Just the perfect size to get yourself lost for a day. And I spent most of mine there this past weekend. On a lovely, almost spring like day, not a cloud in the sky, and a blue sky it was too! I set off to attempt to find this museum in downtown Dallas. I am happy to report, that I only took one wrong turn, which I am getting used to doing here. The road system is VERY confusing. But I got there ok!

Two great exhibits were showing. Marc Bradford and Jean Paul Gaultier. Now honestly, I wasn't too sure about the Gaultier exhibit since I'm not really into fashion, but I was persuaded to buy a ticket for it. I'm glad I did.

 I must say, I love art. I love all kinds. I never really considered myself a lover of modern art, but I do love these pieces. I can really feel them. If that makes any sense. I am standing in front of the immense pieces and Mrs. Aguera's History of Art is going through my head.. Trying to place the perspective, the feel, the movement. And I felt moved by these. And so simple! But so amazing at the same time.

First the lovely exhibit by Marc Bradford. I have found I love modern, pieced from life itself art! And the story is great too. All found pieces from the ads pasted up around the city.. What amazing textures and feeling of movement in great pieces of insane modern art. I could have stood in front of some of these and just looked all day and STILL found new images and feelings. I love the chaos. So my life.. Just ask my parents!

And then I went through the rest of the museum, of all the normal art museum stuff. Beautiful art, a lot of what I loved to study in school. I sat here and looked at these Tiffany windows for about 45 minutes. Having a total Farris moment.

And then it was on to the big exhibit.. Jean Paul Gaultier. A fashion designer I've never heard of.. Well at least I didn't think I had.. Until I walked in to the exhibit! OMG Madonna's cone corset! The outfit from Fifth Element that Chris Tucker wore! I know these!! I start to explore and am mesmerized! WOW what amazing art! Incredible. And most of the mannequins have a digital read out on their face, of real people.. Crazy to see this mannequin blinking!

I got to see all these amazing outfits.. Not really fashion..Art.. way beyond fashion. 

The outfits I am familiar with. It was really cool to see them in person too.

 This was by far my favorite. This wedding dress was spectacular. 


So that was how I spend my Saturday. Unbelievable art work. I can't wait to see what else Dallas has in store for me!

Hooray!! I Got Lost!!!

Ok, yes I have a GPS.. Yes I follow it.. Have any of you tried to drive in Dallas? OMG!!! Confusing!!!
But sometimes you get lost and find some cool things!

Ayeshya made it into town.. And I picked her up to make it to Kroger.. (you can start to roll your eyes now) I said, lets save money, find a wallyworld.. big mistake!!! So somehow we got lost in downtown Dallas! I still don't know where my GPS was trying to take us.. But we found out that we are bugs.. attracted to light... OMG!! Dallas really lights up at night! Neither one of us has ever seen anything like it.

We got mesmerized by the ball. Kept driving towards it, wondering WHAT IS THAT BALL THING.

It turns out that the Dallas Ball Thing is some kind of restaurant that rotates! Oh I may have to go try it.. But then I find out it's a Wolfgang Puck place and $$$$ So nope! Unless some wealthy Dallas man takes me out lol. I seriously want to go!! Come on Cowboy!! Take me away!! HAHAHAH

And then we get into downtown, and are totally lost. And of course my GPS keeps wanting me to turn as soon as I pass the darn road I was supposed to turn on! AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!! And then we make a turn, and spy the Omni Hotel.. WE are moths to a flame. I wish I could have taken a video of the light show! How to describe it!! The whole building was a flame, alive.. then oil colors, like the old oil stickers we had as kids. I couldn't stop looking at it! I need to go back and park and watch.. This doesn't even do it justice.. You have to watch it for yourself.

Wow, Orientation

Ok, so I am going to combine all the orientation into one word.. LONG... I haven't ever been to two weeks of orientation as a traveler before!! WOWOOWOWOWOW

But it's all good. Most of it was computer stuff... yeah.. that took a while!

So here's what I see every day as I am driving in.. There are three hospitals I pass on my way up to Denton. There is a billboard that I see that has a digital read out that shows you the average waiting time for the ER at one hospital.. Then on up the road, there is another hospital, that has a digital read out on their sign, with the same thing! Average waiting time for the ER... WHAT A CONCEPT!!! and here we have been back home and are given a pager like at Cheesecake Factory.. average wait time 2 hours! Here the longest time I have seen was 23 minutes.. WOW.. seriously.. what a concept!! I'm impressed..

Off To Work I Go!!

Ok, so here I am waking up early again and am FINALLY off to work!! YAY!! Who would have thought that being out of work for just a short time would make me so eager to be off again! I remember always thinking.. geesh another day of work.. How I would love to not have to go to work tomorrow. Let me tell you, I will not say that again for a while! Stressed to the max about using up the emergency money hasn't been fun.. But aaahhh, I'm back in the black!

So I am working at this cool hospital, that's apparently very tough to get into, and I was hired here without an interview! Guess that means a lot lol. The hospital is about 35 minutes away, but I'm sure it will take me about an hour since I will be working nights.

This is the beautiful hospital where I will be working. It is very nice inside too. The building on the far right is the Women's Center. It is attached by a really long sky bridge to the main hospital, and it's cool, they have it marked that if you walk up and down the sky bridge 4x, that's a mile... Heart healthy!! (Just don't go to the cafeteria! They have chicken fried steak daily!!) Hee hee

So orientation for the week, work on the floor next week.. I'm excited for sure!

Conversations With Kodie

(Alarm Buzzing at 05:30)

Kodie: "MOM.. Wake up!!!"
Me: "No Kodie.. I want to sleeeeeeeeep....."
Kodie: "MOM!!! It's your first day of work!!!!"
Me: "OI!!! Let's GO!!!!!"

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Oh my goodness!! Is it FINALLY 2012!?!?!? Oh I am so happy to see with fresh eyes this new year! This new life! This new world!!!

Take the good. Leave the bad. My motto for the year!

I am amazed that 2011 is finally over. The longest and most painful year of my life by far. But the lessons I have learned far outweigh the sorrow and the grief.

I look out upon this new year with open eyes and lifted wings. Exploration, adventure awaits me. I breathe in this fresh night air and feel that another piece of me has come back to my soul. And it feels good.

I start this new chapter. Writing my explorations on my heart. I feel you are with me. But only the good. Memories will always be there. Laughter will fill my days as I walk forward into this new year. Already I feel at peace with my decision to be here. Excitement fills my veins as I start working again tomorrow. My heart is solid. My soul healing more and more each day.

It's truly amazing what happens when you take life by the horns and ride that bull. Sitting in one place for a time you may be rusty.. But the wind quickly brushes off the dust and you can break free and live once again.

Resolutions made this year are simple ones. Take the good. Leave the bad.